fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
