i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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