okay pat passed out under dana's car
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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