DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
