What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
