She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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