We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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