My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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