I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
