She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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