chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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