apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
