I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Randomize
