i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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