so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
