hotel room ftw
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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