I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
