Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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