I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
