Need sex. Gaining weight.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I think i got beer on your cat.
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