If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
