He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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