my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
