How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
