he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
