You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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