k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
