And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
