pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
