SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
