It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
