these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
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I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
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Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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