He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
