I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Panties = found
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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