where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So much rum. So many feels.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
