I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
