oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i wish my penis had a tongue
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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