Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
