I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
