Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
