I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
