I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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