guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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