Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
