Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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