Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
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recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
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You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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