I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just had sex on a roof
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
