dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
