Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Acid is not a monday night drug
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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