Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
