No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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