I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
