we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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