I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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