New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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