dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
