I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
