just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
