I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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