she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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