I want to walk on stilts...naked
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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