im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
