got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She's the barista slut.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
