it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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