She said her name was "party"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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