I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
