i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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