i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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