I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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