Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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