my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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