Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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