Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
