ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
