I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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