That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
