I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
